I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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