i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
