If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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