So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize