you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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