oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
