I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
