im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
