I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
