please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
