just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
