I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
