ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
