Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
