i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
