): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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