I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
