I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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