Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
