WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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