I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
