Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
