So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
