If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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