I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
