The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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