I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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