Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
