im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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