Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
