She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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