Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
