Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
