if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
