saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
