I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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