never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
