I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
