They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
