i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
