we have pet lesbian snakes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
