Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
