Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
