She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
