You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
