She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
