All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize