I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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