Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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