I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize