everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
