I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
