I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
