My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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