I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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