Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Farmville is her only friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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