What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
