babies were throwing up all over the place
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
