HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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