I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
