My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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