Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
