I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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