I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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