Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
