Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
