And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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