If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
