I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
