I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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