no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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