Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
