I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need moral support for this bender
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
