I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
