I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
