Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
