Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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