she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
