Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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