Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize