The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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