i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
