nut hugger
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
