I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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