I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
