Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
