Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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