shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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