I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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