so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
