Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
