My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
