Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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