I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
then he tried to convert me to islam
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
