Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
