weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
