I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
