there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
